this one is for mothers {& their daughters}.

the other day i came across this story on facebook {i'll get to it in a minute}.  it took me a while to make it through the post since my eyes welled up with tears right from the start.  these are the kinds of things i think about when travis and i talk about having children, and i would be lying if i said it's not overwhelming. i know the kind of parents my parents are and how much love they have for their children.  i also see how much unconditional, ever-growing love i have for travis and even for conor and oliver.  thinking of how i will feel about a child is scary. 

travis and i have been trying to decide what is best for our family.  we've known for a while the neighborhood we're in isn't ideal for us.  we aren't pleased with the HOA and we've discovered that many of our neighbors are unkind.  neither of us really want to be involved with our neighbors, but it's been tough living around people who seem so rude.  we also haven't been impressed with haley's school and want to make sure we're doing the right things for her.

we've talked about moving to owasso for a while and lately we've even looked at skiatook and sperry.  even more recently we've tossed around the idea of bartlesville.  i still cringe a little bit at the idea because i don't love the town.  it would be better to have haley in school there though because we're there so much.  if she were sick or had meetings with teachers or anything like that, we would be much, much closer to her.  i've also heard good things about bartlesville schools.

the other night we were lying in bed talking about all of this, and travis said, "we just need to find a place in bartlesville, move, get settled in, and then we can start having babies."  my heart did a little pitter-pat {surprisingly enough -- though i have slowly been thinking about babies more frequently lately}.  i told him i wanted to share a story with him and this is what i read ...  

(For all the mother's (including pregnant ones) in the world, this one is for you! - Author Unknown)

We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family." "We're taking a survey," she says half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," s...he says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.

That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moments hesitation.

I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her
baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming
children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.

However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.

I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.

I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.

I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter's hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings.

after i finished reading this to him he said, "so now you're saying you don't want to have babies?"  i had to laugh and then said that's not what i meant.  these are just the kinds of things that i find "scary" when thinking about becoming parents.  for the rest of our lives.

i read the story to kate a few days later {warning her that tears would be abundant}.  like me, i was barely into the first few lines of the story, and she had begun to cry.  i told her about my interaction with travis, and she agreed, and then said, "but it also confirms just how worth-it it all is."

i just wanted to capture the story because i think it's beautiful.  it could have been my own mother telling it.  and it reminds me how much i love the women in my life.  i'm so grateful and so blessed that my mom loved me with this kind of love.  i know not everyone has been so fortunate.  i feel blessed beyond measure because not only have i seen this kind of love from my mom, but i've seen it from other women in my life, who have accepted me and loved me as their own. 

i love you, mom.  i love you, all.