1 month.

dear haley,

today you have been with us for 1 month.  in some ways it's hard to believe it has only been in a month and in other ways it seems like it was just yesterday that we were having christmas dinner at our house with you and your dad.

i'm so glad you've come to stay with us.  i wish didn't have to be this way just because it means your dad would still be here with us; but we love having you here.

over the past month we've met brittany and millie {and i've waved to gary from the car}.  we seem to hear the most about millie from you.  i know we have so many more of your friends to meet.  i try to check in with you about brittany from time to time.  it's so tragic that you and she lost your dads within weeks of one another.  i hope you are somehow able to comfort one another during this time.

you've done such a great job catching up on your school work.  you still have a few lessons to go and an upcoming science fair project, but i have no doubt you'll have everything caught up in time.  quite the undertaking my dear.  it must be so difficult for you to focus at at time like this.

you mentioned that in just three days it will be two months since your dad left us.  so hard to believe.  i imagine you must miss him so much.  you show a type of strength i don't know i would ever be able to display.  i shared with you that i would be an absolute mess if i were to lose either of my parents.  you seem so strong all the time.  . 

i want to let you know that you don't have to be strong all the time, haley girl.  the feelings that you feel -- the longing for your dad, the sadness, the inability to focus without thinking about him -- those are all things i would expect you to experience.  all feelings you need and should feel.  even on the days when you feel numb from the overload.  please don't feel like you have to carry this alone.  you have a huge family {here with travis and me and the pups, but also aunts, uncles, cousins, and even family you've never even met yet} who loves you dearly.  a family who cries over your hurt.  cries for the loss of your dad.   prays for your heart. and thinks of you daily.  we're all here for you.  to help you carry this and to help you make it through ... like the story of the butterfly i shared with you, you will come out of this stronger. 

thinking of you being stronger than you already are is a little bit overwhelming for me.  as i said, you seem so strong every single day.  i can't imagine the kinds of thing you will accomplish in your life after you've come out on the other side of this.  it will be exciting to watch and thinking of it gives me goosebumps.

you'll never be the same person you were before. not completely.  there is always going to be a part of you that misses your dad.  every day.  even in a few years.  and what an incredible blessing to have been able to have that kind of love for someone in your life.  and to know that he loved you just as much. 

if i could take this away from you and bring him back, i would do that.  without question.  since i can't, though, just know i am here for you, travis and i both, any time you need someone to talk to, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, or even a hug.  and all those other people i mentioned before are willing to do that for you, too. you're not alone in this.  {even those puppies love to cuddle and will hold you when you're sad}.

you are so special, haley.  i hope you recognize that.  please don't be afraid to be vulnerable or sad. 

we love you so much little missy,

r h i a n n o n    &    t r a v i s